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标题: 国歌（李不嫁作品，汉译英） [打印本页]

作者: 朱峰 时间: 2018-3-30 18:49
标题: 国歌（李不嫁作品，汉译英）

National Anthem

written by Li Bujia
translated by Zhu Feng

Thinking of Nie Er the composer
Thinking of his life glided like a comet, enlightened
four hundred millions of brothers and sisters who hungered for freedom
The reason I felt solemn and stirred when I sung it
and could hardly hold my tears

Thinking of Tian Han the writer
Thinking of how he was trampled to the ground
and forced to drink his urine
Thinking of the only things in his cinerary casket but ash
a pen, a pair of glasses and lyrics of
March of the Volunteer Army in his fine handwriting
Thinking of the day he died in detention
the snowing out of the window, the sound of the megaphone
playing Ode to Commencement composed by the two
Another reason I felt solemn and stirred when I sung it
and cound hardly hold my tears

国歌

作者：李不嫁

想起聂耳
想起那流星般划过的
生命，怎样照亮
四万万五千万救亡的同胞
这是我唱起国歌时，悲壮得想哭的原因

想起田汉
想起被逼着趴在地上
把自己的小便喝掉
想起骨灰盒里只有眼镜、钢笔
和工整抄录的《义勇军进行曲》
想起他在禁闭室里死去时
窗外白雪飘飘，广播里
正响着由他俩谱写的《毕业歌》
这是我唱起国歌时，悲壮得想哭的另一个原因

作者: 朱峰 时间: 2018-3-30 18:51
four hundred and fifty million

作者: 朱峰 时间: 2018-3-30 19:03

National Anthem

written by Li Bujia
translated by Zhu Feng

Thinking of Nie Er the composer
Thinking of his life glided like a comet, enlightened
four hundred and fifty million brothers and sisters who hungered for freedom
The reason I felt solemn and stirred when I sang it
but could hardly hold my tears

Thinking of Tian Han the writer
Thinking of how he was trampled to the ground
and forced to drink his urine
Thinking of the only things in his cinerary casket but ash
a pen, a pair of glasses and lyrics of
March of the Volunteer Army in his fine handwriting
Thinking of the day he died in detention
the snowing out of the window, the sound of the megaphone
playing Ode to Commencement composed by the two
Another reason I felt solemn and stirred when I sang it
but could hardly hold my tears

作者: 匪夷 时间: 2018-4-1 22:06
在流派也算好诗了

作者: 朱峰 时间: 2018-4-3 05:13

匪夷发表于 2018-4-2 00:06
在流派也算好诗了

恐怕不只在流派。问好！

作者: 潘学峰 时间: 2018-4-3 06:43
我不看好这诗歌，我甚至觉得这都不是诗歌。

作者: 朱峰 时间: 2018-4-6 05:44

潘学峰发表于 2018-4-3 08:43
我不看好这诗歌，我甚至觉得这都不是诗歌。

这个话题有空才能展开

问好！

作者: 朱峰 时间: 2018-4-6 05:45
National Anthem

written by Li Bujia
translated by Zhu Feng

Thinking of Nie Er the composer
Thinking of his life glided like a comet, enlightened
four hundred and fifty million brothers and sisters who hungered for freedom
The reason I felt solemn and stirred when I sang it
but could hardly hold my tears

Thinking of Tian Han the writer
Thinking of how he was trampled on the ground
and forced to drink his urine
Thinking of the only things in his cinerary casket but ash
a pen, a pair of glasses and lyrics of
March of the Volunteer Army in his fine handwriting
Thinking of the day he died in detention
the snowing out of the window, the sound of the megaphone
playing Ode to Commencement composed by the two
Another reason I felt solemn and stirred when I sang it
but could hardly hold my tears

作者: 长空 时间: 2018-4-6 16:06

匪夷发表于 2018-4-1 22:06
在流派也算好诗了

这首诗写的放在国内那里都是好诗，诗人技艺也精练，

作者: 长空 时间: 2018-4-6 16:09

潘学峰发表于 2018-4-3 06:43
我不看好这诗歌，我甚至觉得这都不是诗歌。

它点到为止，国歌由田汉与聂耳共同完成的，这样的人不爱国吗

作者: 潘学峰 时间: 2018-4-7 11:16

长空发表于 2018-4-6 18:09
它点到为止，国歌由田汉与聂耳共同完成的，这样的人不爱国吗

你看不出其中的败笔

题目：国歌

第一节
.........原因

第二节
......原因

这很粗糙的“因果关系”的架构，毫无诗意

作者: 潘学峰 时间: 2018-4-7 11:17
我自己写英文诗歌，也写汉语诗歌，我不看好现代诗歌的诗体。毫无音乐之美。

作者: 朱峰 时间: 2018-4-7 15:32

潘学峰发表于 2018-4-7 13:17
我自己写英文诗歌，也写汉语诗歌，我不看好现代诗歌的诗体。毫无音乐之美。

我也不喜欢完全摈弃韵律，但这首就不必要以韵取胜。

作者: 长空 时间: 2018-4-17 16:35

朱峰发表于 2018-4-7 15:32
我也不喜欢完全摈弃韵律，但这首就不必要以韵取胜。

最好讲节奏的音乐美会好些，

更广范些。

作者: 长空 时间: 2018-4-17 16:36

潘学峰发表于 2018-4-7 11:17
我自己写英文诗歌，也写汉语诗歌，我不看好现代诗歌的诗体。毫无音乐之美。

是的，音乐美，没有，心理深度也没有。

个人美学也没有。

作者: 四维广土 时间: 2018-7-17 16:37
客观地说：这算一首好文，主题好，构思也好，语言可以说也朴实，但艺术性和诗的意境感觉缺失，不能算一首好诗

作者: 四维广土 时间: 2018-7-17 16:46
流派在文学的严谨性、艺术性提倡不够，有点偏重新奇，

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