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标题: 译严家威老师诗作 [打印本页]

作者: 土登扎西 时间: 2018-9-18 18:20
标题: 译严家威老师诗作
译严家威老师诗作
文/土登扎西
Undressing to Boost Fame

Stay in dark underground fo long, it has no record and experience.

By no means, it sees through and perceives in advance. It has less tunes than birds.
But by undressing in summer days,
whatevever it comes across
It acts affectedly to chirp:
Acknowledged, acknowledged... acknowledged...

【一脱撑鸣】
作者：严家威

长时间呆在黑暗的地下，没有什么阅历和经验
不可能先知先觉。调也少，不如鸟

可它一脱之后站在夏日，不管是遇到什么
都装腔作势地叫着：
知了，知了……知了…………

作者: 朱峰 时间: 2018-9-19 20:22
脱，在这里是指蝉蜕，有 transform 的意思。

作者: 李世纯 时间: 2018-9-20 13:34
译严家威老师诗作
文/土登扎西
Undressing to Boost Fame

Stay in dark underground fo long, it has no record and experience.

By no means, it sees through and perceives in advance. It has less tunes than birds.
But by undressing in summer days,
whatevever it comes across
It acts affectedly to chirp:
Acknowledged, acknowledged... acknowledged...

【一脱撑鸣】
作者：严家威

长时间呆在黑暗的地下，没有什么阅历和经验
不可能先知先觉。调也少，不如鸟

可它一脱之后站在夏日，不管是遇到什么
都装腔作势地叫着：
知了，知了……知了…………

-----------------------------------------------------------

恐怕是在第二行（英文部分），出现明显错误两处，举手之劳即可改正。

作者: 土登扎西 时间: 2018-9-20 15:28

李世纯发表于 2018-9-20 13:34
译严家威老师诗作
文/土登扎西
Undressing to Boost Fame

Sloughing to Boost Fame

Stay in the dark underground fo long, it has no record and experiences.

By no means, it sees through and perceives in advance. It has less tunes than birds.
But by undressing in summer days,
whatevever it comes across
It acts affectedly to chirp:
Acknowledged, acknowledged... acknowledged...
不知改对了吗？

作者: 土登扎西 时间: 2018-9-20 15:29

朱峰发表于 2018-9-19 20:22
脱，在这里是指蝉蜕，有 transform 的意思。

用sloughing如何？

作者: 土登扎西 时间: 2018-9-20 15:32
再改：
Sloughing to Boost Fame

Stay in the dark underground fo long, it has no record and experiences.

By no means, it sees through and perceives in advance. It has less tunes than birds.

But by sloughing in summer days,
whatevever it comes across
It acts affectedly to chirp:
Acknowledged, acknowledged... acknowledged...

作者: 李世纯 时间: 2018-9-20 22:11

土登扎西发表于 2018-9-20 15:28
Sloughing to Boost Fame

Stay in the dark underground fo long, it has no record and experiences. ...

还没呢，是在第二行（英文部分），朋友

作者: 土登扎西 时间: 2018-9-21 06:12

李世纯发表于 2018-9-20 22:11
还没呢，是在第二行（英文部分），朋友

Stay underground in the darkness for long...对吗？

作者: 李世纯 时间: 2018-9-21 11:05

土登扎西发表于 2018-9-21 06:12
Stay underground in the darkness for long...对吗？

译严家威老师诗作
         文/土登扎西
Undressing to Boost Fame

Stay in dark underground fo long, it has no record and experience.   （英美人理解=祈使句： “ 没阅历，去地下暗室，多待会 ”）

By no means, it sees through and perceives in advance. It has less tunes than birds.
But by undressing in summer days,
whatevever it comes across
It acts affectedly to chirp:
Acknowledged,  acknowledged... acknowledged...

【一脱撑鸣】
作者：严家威

长时间呆在黑暗的地下，没有什么阅历和经验
不可能先知先觉。调也少，不如鸟

可它一脱之后站在夏日，不管是遇到什么
都装腔作势地叫着：
知了，知了……知了…………

作者: 李世纯 时间: 2018-9-21 11:10

李世纯发表于 2018-9-21 11:05
译严家威老师诗作
文/土登扎西
Undressing to Boost Fame

译严家威老师诗作
文/土登扎西
Undressing to Boost Fame

Stay in dark underground fo long, it has no record and experience.（英美人理解=祈使句： “ 没阅历的，去地下暗室，多待会儿 ”）

By no means, it sees through and perceives in advance. It has less tunes than birds.
But by undressing in summer days,
whatevever it comes across
It acts affectedly to chirp:
Acknowledged, acknowledged... acknowledged...

【一脱撑鸣】
作者：严家威

长时间呆在黑暗的地下，没有什么阅历和经验
不可能先知先觉。调也少，不如鸟

可它一脱之后站在夏日，不管是遇到什么
都装腔作势地叫着：
知了，知了……知了…………

作者: 土登扎西 时间: 2018-9-21 14:25

李世纯发表于 2018-9-21 11:10
译严家威老师诗作
文/土登扎西
Undressing to Boost Fame

谢谢

作者: 土登扎西 时间: 2018-9-21 14:27
再改：
Sloughing to Boost Fame

Because of staying in the dark underground fo long, it has no record and experiences.

By no means, it sees through and perceives in advance. It has less tunes than birds.

But by sloughing in summer days,
whatevever it comes across
It acts affectedly to chirp:
Acknowledged, acknowledged... acknowledged...

作者: 李世纯 时间: 2018-9-21 15:15

土登扎西发表于 2018-9-21 14:27
再改：
Sloughing to Boost Fame

再改：
Sloughing to Boost Fame

Because of staying in the dark underground fo long, it has no record and experiences.

By no means, it sees through and perceives in advance. It has less tunes than birds.

But by sloughing in summer days,
whatevever it comes across
It acts affectedly to chirp:
Acknowledged, acknowledged... acknowledged...

=========================================

如果不懂汉语，仅读红色部分，neither British nor American take them not as：因滞留地下暗室过久，此事已无案可查。

作者: 土登扎西 时间: 2018-9-21 17:35

李世纯发表于 2018-9-21 15:15
再改：
Sloughing to Boost Fame

谢谢

作者: 土登扎西 时间: 2018-9-21 17:36
再改：
Sloughing to Boost Fame

It stays in the dark underground fo long, and it has no record and experiences.

By no means, it sees through and perceives in advance. It has less tunes than birds.

But by sloughing in summer days,
whatevever it comes across
It acts affectedly to chirp:
Acknowledged, acknowledged... acknowledged...

作者: 李世纯 时间: 2018-9-21 20:50

土登扎西发表于 2018-9-21 17:36
再改：
Sloughing to Boost Fame

楼主| 发表于 2018-9-21 17:36 | 只看该作者
再改：
Sloughing to Boost Fame

It stays in the dark underground fo long, and it has no record and experiences.

By no means, it sees through and perceives in advance. It has less tunes than birds.

But by sloughing in summer days,
whatevever it comes across
It acts affectedly to chirp:
Acknowledged, acknowledged... acknowledged...In the red, still at least three mistakes.

=======================================

that's all right，in the red, still at least three obvious mistakes there

作者: 土登扎西 时间: 2018-9-21 20:56

李世纯发表于 2018-9-21 20:50
楼主| 发表于 2018-9-21 17:36 | 只看该作者
再改：
Sloughing to Boost Fame

It has stayed underground in the darkness for long, and it has had no record and experiences.

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