本帖最后由 林长信 于 2018-1-17 22:38 编辑
《弗兰琪与强尼》-赏析赏析1 (林长信/2015-12-14)
@=《弗兰克与约翰尼》 原作/佚名 译作/陈迟恩 2009-09-30 <yyan0612@qq.com>
1
弗兰克与约翰尼是恋人，噢他们如此的相爱。
相互把誓言像天上的明星一样表白。
他是她的男人，但他对她不住。
2
弗兰克是他的女人，所有的人都知道。
她花一百元给约翰尼买了衣服一套。
他是她的男人，而他对她不住。
3
弗兰克与约翰尼去散步，约翰尼穿着新衣裳。
“噢主啊，”弗兰克说道，“我的约翰尼不也令人欣赏？”
他是她的男人，但他对她不住。
4
弗兰克搭乘夜班车，去了孟菲斯。
她花一百元买了一块带锁链的表给约翰尼。
他是她的男人，但他对她不住。
5(本第5段漏翻译)
……
他是她的男人，但他对她不住。
6
弗兰克走到拐角处，买了瓶啤酒；
她问酒吧服务生：“我的爱人在这吗？
他是我的男人，可他对我不住。”
7
“我不要跟你讲故事，也不像向你把谎扯，
一小时前我看到他和爱丽丝·弗瑞在一起。
如果他是你男人，那么他对你不住。”
8
弗兰克回到旅馆，而不是去寻欢找乐，
在她的红和服下藏有一把四四式手枪。
他是她的男人，但他对不住她。
9
弗兰克掀开她的和服，掏出那把老四四；
那是她的恋人约翰尼的情人爱丽丝。
他是她的男人，但他对不住她。
10
弗兰克扔开她的和服，掏出那把老四四；
嘟—突—突，她边穿过旅馆的门边连开三枪射击。
她射杀了她的男人，因他对不住她。
11
约翰尼抓起自己的毡帽。“噢主啊，弗兰克，勿开枪！”
但弗兰克扣下扳机，枪发出“嘟—突—突”声响。
他是她的男人，但她照杀不误。
12
“轻轻地卷起我，慢慢地卷起我。
孩子啊，轻轻地卷起我。我的伤口在刺痛我。
我是她的男人，但我对他不住。”
13
中第一枪约翰尼身体摇晃；第二枪已倒在地上；
当第三颗子弹穿过他，地狱里出现一张新脸庞。
“他是我的男人，但他对我不住。”
14
弗兰克听到地下驶过隆隆声响。
也许那是约翰尼，在她射杀他的地方。
他是她的男人，她对他不住。
15
“噢带你远去的胶轮灵车，带你远去的胶轮汽车，
他们带我的约翰尼进坟墓而再也带不回他来。
他是我的男人，但他对我不住。”
16
法官说给陪审团听：“事情再清楚不过。
这女人杀了她男人，属于二级凶杀案。
他是她的男人，虽然他对她不住。”
17
但那不是二级凶杀案，也不是三级。
弗兰克只是丢弃了她男人，像猎人丢弃鸟儿。
他是她的男人，但他对她不住。
18
“噢，把我投入地牢，把我投入监狱。
把我投入东北风吹过东南角的地狱。
我杀了我的男人，因为他对我不住。”
19
弗兰克走向绞刑架，平静如一个女孩能做到的，
她抬眼望着苍穹说：“万能的主啊，我要走向你去了。
他是我的男人，我对他不住。”//
>>
&=(林长信赏析)诗可以是（甲）把读者拉进一己的感触里。这种写法的诗一不小心就成了[内向式]的，其结果是读者不愿再度进入[写诗人]的私己感触中。
感触性的诗内容倾向散漫则欠理路、无方向感则无进行的动感。整首诗常会陷入呆滞而空转，令读者茫然。读者本欲随行却奈何极为吃力而拖不动腳。
诗也可以是（乙）努力与读者共赴一个[写诗人]自己也无以名之的那里。而西洋诗多是[与读者共赴彼界]的诗。正因以其无解的[开放式]，就容许了读者多次复读，以期为自我解题。普遍读者偏好这种共享开放式的诗歌。因其方便了[读诗人]不须去认识[写诗人]的私我，只须去认识诗里的世界。
>
现在，本首《弗兰琪(女)与强尼(男)》就是[写诗人]是与（乙）[读诗人]共赴彼界的诗。
全诗的凝练短句以19段进行，
A）从1看到10段都以“因他对不住她”做隔断，使[读诗人]认同了该情节与情理确实如此。此“因他对不住她”的文句有如反复性的图案一再叠高[读诗人]的情绪与认同感。因为是--他，读者是第三者的[他观]之观点。观点冷静单纯。
B）然而，这件爱恨情仇在第11/14段以“但我对他不住”、“她对他不住”有了[转折]--主客易位了。因为是--我，读者是卷入局内的当事人的[我观]。观点很热切，有貼身的溫度感与心跳聲。
C）有意思，从15看到18段又返回以重复的“他对她（我）不住”来进行，剧情的动线叫[读诗人]的心情跟着在曲折摆荡中不止是同[情]，而竟然是同[意]女性的致命报复了。您看，16/17段连法官/陪审团也这么说。因为是他/她/我，读者是局内当事人的[我观]，又是局外第三者的[他观]之观点。观点是卷入而复荡出的。
D）但是，天枢逆转，终局的19段却更闹了，此女人竟然风情万种的彻底推翻自己，她临终吐言：“他是我的男人，我对他不住。”真要死！
>
然而，好的艺术是会叫人[发现]的，欣赏者有了发现才有启迪，才有情感的升华。
所以，我以为[与读者共赴彼界]的写诗方法是值得内地创作者采用的，使之[读诗人]可轻易地获赏亚里斯多德《诗学》的要旨：[转折]与[发现]。
>
(另：原附的英文第4段后有阙文；又原作系仿底层男女(雏妓与皮条客?)的俚俗粗口而写，故第12段的译文似有可疑。)
>>
Frankie and Johnny by Anonymous
1
Frankie and Johnny were lovers, O how that couple could love.
Swore to be true to each other, true as the stars above.
He was her man, but he done her wrong.
2
Frankie, she was his woman, everybody knows.
She spent one hundred dollars for a suit of Johnny's clothes.
He was her man, hut he done her wrong.
3
Frankie and Johnny went walking, Johnny in his bran's new suit.
“O good Lawd,” says Frankie, “but don't my Johnny look cute?”
He was her man, but he done her wrong.
4
Frankie went down to Memphis; she went on the evening train.
Paid a hundred dollars, Got Johnnie a watch and chain;
He was her man, but he done her wrong.
5
Frankie lived in a crib-house, Crib-house with only two doors,
Gave her money to Johnnie, He spent it on those parlour whores;
He was her man, but he done her wrong.
6
Frankie went down to the corner, Went for a bucket of beer,
She says to the fat bartender, “Has my loving man been here?
He was my man, but he done me wrong.”
7
“Ain't going to tell you no story, ain't going to tell you no lie,
I seen your man 'bout an hour ago, with a girl named Alice Fry.
If he's your man, he's doing you wrong.”
8
Frankie went back to the hotel, she didn't go there for fun,
Under her long red kimono, she toted a forty-four gun.
He was her man, but he done her wrong.
9
Frankie threw back her kimono; took out the old forty-four;
There was her lovin' Jonny a-lovin' up Alice Fry;
He was her man, but he done her wrong.
10
Frankie threw back her kimono; took out the old forty-four;
Roota-toot-toot, three times she shot, right through that hotel door.
She shot her man, 'cause he done her wrong.
11
Johnny grabbed off his Stetson. “O good Lawd, Frankie, don't shoot.”
But Frankie put her finger on the trigger, and the gun went roota-toot-toot.
He was her man, but she shot him down.
12
“Roll me over easy, roll me over slow,
Roll me over easy, boys, 'cause my wounds are hurting me so,
I was her man, but I done her wrong.”
13
With the first shot Johnny staggered; with the second shot he fell;
When the third bullet hit him, there was anew man's face in hell.
“He was my man, but he done me wrong.”
14
Frankie heard a rumbling away down under the ground.
Maybe it was Johnny where she had shot him down.
He was her man, but she done him wrong.
15
“Oh, bring on your rubber-tired hearses, bring on your rubber-tired hacks,
Ther' retakin' my Johnny to the buryin' groun' but they'll never bring him back.
He was my man, but he done me wrong.
16
The judge he said to the jury, “It's plain as plain can be.
This woman shot her man, so it's murder in the second degree.
He was her man, though he done her wrong.
17
Now it wasn't murder in the second degree, it wasn't murder in the third.
Frankie simply dropped her man, like a hunter drops a bird.
He was her man, but he done her wrong.
18
“Oh, put me in that dungeon. Oh, put me in that cell.
Put me where the northeast wind blows from the southeast corner of hell.
I shot my man 'cause he done me wrong.”
19
Frankie walked up to the scaffold, as calm as a girl could be,
She turned her eyes to heaven and said, “Good Lord, I'm coming to thee.
He was my man, and I done him wrong.”
//
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发表于 2018-1-8 16:42
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