Terra cotta soldiers
by J. Loh
a dead cat bounced once or twice
a dead man walked as a soldier from Qin dynasty
who dreamed about climbing the Great Wall across the vast
northern wasteland
and only found himself turned into a ghost in the bushes
like a shapeless shadow of wind
such vivid affairs one could not tell
in the midnight silence
and I knew nothing about the basement
where rats and cockroaches fought among themselves
I was alive, but couldn't walk nor bounce around
as a black swan or a white cat
while you said, come join the soldiers of the cockroaches.
Why not rats, I asked.
one inch seemed one million miles away
with two worlds apart
there was something inside me I couldn't reach
"tear me into pieces", you said,
"nothing is authentic or genuine as you will see
in pieces of me"
I was alive, but couldn't walk as a living being
the world surrounding me
was a tiny drop of the rain, dripping down
from a pigeon's wing-tip
time turned into a grain of sand --
-- the sole truth of the universe
with sore and pain in my back
I couldn't go too far from my flesh nor bring the true pieces of me
to the silent tides
I couldn't touch the shades of solidity
while my door was cracking --
the boundary of myself was disappearing
something completely foreign was reshaping
I felt the dim light of the rainy day came inside me
and shed on the cracked floor
when curtains were still tightly shut
Gapping, sobbing, and yelling in pain
I felt the dead man moving out of my body
and the grain of sand was free-flying
in the pouring rain
love or being loved was a state of quantum
-- rats or cockroaches didn't matter --
when a terra cotta soldier was walking
in the mighty wind.
Sept. 6, 2015 written in BJ
附中文翻译：
《兵马俑》
作者、翻译：莫笑愚
一只死猫回光返照了一次或两次
一个死去的人行走，仿佛来自秦朝的兵士
他梦见自己跨越北方广袤的荒原
攀上了长城
结果却发现自己变成鬼魂
仿佛草丛中无形的风影
人们在午夜的寂静中
分不清这些生动的事物
而我对地下室里发生的一切也一无所知
老鼠和蟑螂在那里战斗
我活着，却不能像黑天鹅或白猫那样
行走或弹跳
而你说，来吧，加入蟑螂的战斗群。
为什么不是老鼠，我说。
一英寸似乎相隔百万英里
两个世界天差地别
一些东西在我心中，我无法触及
“将我撕成碎片吧”，你对我说，
“在碎裂的我中，没有什么是纯正的
或真实的”
我活着，无法如众生行走
我周围的世界
是一小滴雨水，从鸽子的翅尖
滴落
时间成为一粒沙 ——
—— 这宇宙的唯一真理
我腰酸背痛
无法离开自身的肉体走得太远，也不能将真实的我的碎片
带进静默的潮汐 ——
我无法触碰这坚固的阴影
而我的门在开裂
我自身的边界在消失
一些完全陌生的事物在重塑
我感到昏暗的灯光在雨天进入我的内心
洒在破裂的地板上
当窗帘依然紧闭
撕裂着，哭泣着，带着疼痛呼号着
我感到这死去的人正在移出我的体内
而细小的沙粒在瓢泼大雨中
自由飞行——
爱或被爱都是量子状态
—— 老鼠或蟑螂都不重要 ——
当兵马俑的士兵
行走，在迅疾的风中。
2015-9-6于北京
|
发表于 2015-9-7 08:06
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