汉诗英译： 我记忆中的知青 作者：绝不收兵 翻译：郁序新

郁序新

Educated Youth in My Memory
Author:  Juebu Shoubing
Translated by Tulip
                                                     
Half a few of collapsed mud houses in my hometown remind me of the past
When educated youth lived there the yard was clean
There were many beauties whose names unfamiliar to me
In fact, I was fond of listening to their songs flown out of the harmonicas
I used to look at their teeth with giggling rinse foam at brushing
When they were holding me I much liked the fragrance of fresh soap

Many villagers sneered at the youth
Particularly, the party secretary and the village leader always criticized them
In total, the young people only had a dozen
Every night I secretly climbed up to their window
Watching them write letter to cities
Gradually their numbers reduced
I counted with my fingers to know that I was nine years old

Whoever wanted to leave
They usually brought their clothes of non-use for future or other things to my mum
My mother always baked some flour steamed bread for them the whole night
Xiumei and another youngster whose name I don’t know, were the last to leave
Because their parents couldn’t afford the gift for the village and town
When I grew up I drifted in cities like them  
Someone told me that a few years ago they came back
They had their pictures taken in the old yard and at front of the locked door, then they left


2013年7月25日
翻译：Tulip





【我记忆中的知青】作者：绝不收兵

我的记忆是从老家的几间倒塌了一半的土房子展开的
知识青年住的时候这里院落干净
还有很多叫不上名字的花朵
其实我最爱听他们口琴里飞出的歌
我总会看着他们涮牙时嘴里的白沫儿笑个不停
他们抱我时我最爱聞那肥皂的清新

村里的好多人都看不起他们
尤其支书和队长总是批评个不停
他们总共有十几个人
我每天晚上偷偷地趴在他们的窗台
看他们往城里写信
慢慢的他们人数减少了
扳扳指头算算那年我已九岁了

他们每走一个人
都要把自己带不上的衣服和别的给我的母亲
我母亲总会连夜给他们烙些白面馍馍
秀梅和另外一个叫不上名字的小伙是最后走的
因为他们的父母买不起送给村里和乡上的礼物
当我长大后就像他们一样 却在城里漂泊
听说前几年他们回来过
在住过的院子和我家上锁的门前照了些相片就走了

荒原猛士

欣赏。

张智文

哈 好快  {:soso_e142:}{:soso_e160:}

胡有琪

郁哥的妙译越来越娴熟,喝彩!
同时为兵兵喝一声彩!

徐倩

怎么不和我分享，路途遥远，我徒步而来，看着心酸。{:soso_e149:}

王法

不错。

冯计生

拜读，学习

如花

来阅读欣赏。

“Watching them to write letter to cities”

“I much liked the fragrance of fresh soap”

“I counted with my fingers to know that I was nine year old”

我觉得好似有点语法差别。{:soso_e112:}

招小波

欣赏！

郁序新

如花 发表于 2013-7-25 16:53
来阅读欣赏。

“Watching them to write letter to cities”

有关你的提问，我给你解释下。
1. Watching them to write letter to cities 这里我用了watch 的现在分词，表示作者偷偷地爬上窗口时一种持续的状态，强调动词“盯着看”，当然如果你这样翻“ Every niht I secretly climed up their widow and wacthed them to write letter to cities " 也是可以的，但我感觉这样就比较平。

2.原句是他们抱我时我最爱闻那肥皂的清新， 我采用了when 引导的过去式正在进行时，在我抱我的那一刻，非常喜欢（这里的like 用的是一般过去式，表示作者过去的喜好），当然我这里才采用的翻译的弱化处理，如果照字面上翻，要这样翻“ I very much liked that smell of fresh soap",  这样翻把”闻“ 译在里面，但感觉不到香皂的清新，所以我采用了修辞加上了”the fragrance" 芳香，这个词是褒义的，而“smell", 　是中性的，可以是难闻的气味，也可以是好闻的气味。

3. 原句是"板板指头算算那年我已九岁了", 本句的谓语动词中心应该是” count “ 计算，数年龄。所以我没有按字面翻译成" I pulled my fingers to count and I knew that I had been nine years old "  这样看上去很忠实原文，但有很深的Chinglish 中式英文的迹象。

这仅是我个人看法，有不对之处请诗友指正，欢迎多交流。谢谢！