Late autumn morning

潘学峰

The sunlight is still bright but lesser
Than those in the summer dawns
The temperature still rises but weaker
And slower like it was haunted
The coldness was sent by the wind with the rustling sound
Green has still remained on the leaves of the grass though
but on their tips yellow and dryness has already hung

Frost looked cold and shining off-screen white            
Birds sang irresistibly  but felt a bit numb
while the wind plumed harp tune high

Time is as spacious as earth or sky         
But the dreams cannot  be exactly kept         
Wild goose start to go their southern home
By making an array fly

Someone like me in their middle ages
Will  face the desolate circumstances
Just as said by that late autumn morning  

阳光依然明亮，
却敌不过初夏晨光
气温升无力
簌簌秋风
呈一抹寒凉，
草色依然绿，叶尖却焦黄，
挂淡淡白霜
风抚羽琴急，鸟儿唱愁
天地空旷容不下昨梦
在这个晚秋的早晨
仰天看苍茫，雁阵行行
冬即来，人凄凄
中年时光里，
堪比这晚秋草木
将面对晚景凄凉

潘学峰

Thanks

潘学峰

The sunlight is still bright but lesser
Than those in the summer dawns
The temperature still rises but weaker
And slower like it was haunted
The coldness was sent by the wind with the rustling sound
Green has still remained on the leaves of the grass though
but on their tips yellow and dryness has already hung

Frost looked cold and shining off-screen white            
Birds sang irresistibly  but felt a bit numb
while the wind plumed harp tune high

Time is as spacious as earth or sky         
But the dreams cannot  be exactly kept         
Wild goose start to go their southern home
By making an array fly

Someone like me in their middle ages
Will  face the desolate circumstances
As the late autumn morning  said

李世纯

e sunlight is still bright but lesser
Than those in the summer dawns
The temperature still rises but weaker
And slower like it was haunted
The coldness was sent by the wind with the rustling sound
Green has still remained on the leaves of the grass though
but on their tips yellow and dryness has already hung

Frost looked cold and shining off-screen white            
Birds sang irresistibly  but felt a bit numb
while the wind plumed harp tune high

Time is as spacious as earth or sky         
But the dreams cannot  be exactly kept         
Wild goose start to go their southern home
By making an array fly

Someone like me in their middle ages
Will  face the desolate circumstances
Just as said by that late autumn morning  

阳光依然明亮，
却敌不过初夏晨光
气温升无力
簌簌秋风
呈一抹寒凉，
草色依然绿，叶尖却焦黄，
挂淡淡白霜
风抚羽琴急，鸟儿唱愁
天地空旷容不下昨梦
在这个晚秋的早晨
仰天看苍茫，雁阵行行
冬即来，人凄凄                 （用“ 冬将至 ”或好于“ 冬即来”，且有韵律）
中年时光里，
堪比这晚秋草木
将面对晚景凄凉
本主题由 admin 于 2018-10-21 11:04 审核通过


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红色内容用被动式，既规避错用的主语，又契合汉译

朱峰

这首感觉不错的。

喜欢前两小节铺就的画面和情绪，但后面好像有些弱化了。尤其是最后一节尽管点了题是不是还可以不用“自白式”收尾，比如看见车辆渐行渐远以致消失不见或者只是听到车辆的声音减弱......

个见，仅供参考。

潘学峰

朱峰 发表于 2018-10-23 09:38
这首感觉不错的。

喜欢前两小节铺就的画面和情绪，但后面好像有些弱化了。尤其是最后一节尽管点了题是不 ...

谢谢您指点。非常有帮助! 非常感激! 再谢!

朱峰

潘学峰 发表于 2018-10-23 16:35
谢谢您指点。非常有帮助! 非常感激! 再谢!

潘兄不必客气。坚持英文写作不容易！

潘学峰

朱峰 发表于 2018-10-25 17:17
潘兄不必客气。坚持英文写作不容易！

谢谢朱主持鼓励！祝好！