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苏菲英译 汪国真代表作《热爱生命》

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11#
发表于 2015-5-6 00:03 | 只看该作者
本帖最后由 叶如钢 于 2015-5-6 00:05 编辑
苏菲 发表于 2015-5-5 19:38
谢谢朋友关注呀!
估计朋友没有走过山路呀!山里面走路,一下雨,路面崎岖不平,还很泥泞,不小心就会摔倒 ...


诗友似乎缺乏在英语语境里的体验。
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12#
发表于 2015-5-6 00:08 | 只看该作者
苏菲 发表于 2015-5-5 19:38
谢谢朋友关注呀!
估计朋友没有走过山路呀!山里面走路,一下雨,路面崎岖不平,还很泥泞,不小心就会摔倒 ...

我同意叶如钢的意见。

I leave my figure to the world

是不通的。翻译,特别是诗的翻译,不能一个字一个字地去译。我对这句话的理解是:因为我是一直向前走,这个世界看到的只能是我的背影。所以我觉得可以这样翻译:

The world can only see my back

还有,前途是平坦的这句话也不通。可以说路是平的,但不能说前途是平的。其实这句话中文本身也不通,但是在中文的语境之中大家还是可以理解的。
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13#
发表于 2015-5-6 02:05 | 只看该作者
本帖最后由 叶如钢 于 2015-5-6 02:10 编辑
蒲必达 发表于 2015-5-6 00:08
我同意叶如钢的意见。

I leave my figure to the world


谢谢必达。 The world can only see my back---可以这样翻译的。另外可以参考
下面这首圣歌:

I’ve turned my back upon the world


I’ve turned my back upon the world
  With all its idle pleasures,
And set my heart on better things,
  On higher, holier treasures;
No more its glitter and its glare,
  And vanity shall blind me;
I’ve crossed the separating line,
  And left the world behind me.
  Far, far behind me!
  Far, far behind me!
I’ve crossed the separating line,
  And left the world behind me.

2
I’ve left the old sad life of sin,
  Its follies all forsaken;
My standing place is now in Christ,
  His holy vows I’ve taken;
Beneath the standard of the cross
  The world henceforth shall find me;
I’ve passed in Christ from death to life,
  And left the world behind me.
  Far, far behind me!
  Far, far behind me!
I’ve passed in Christ from death to life,
    And left the world behind me.

3
My soul shall ne’er return again
  Back to its former station
For here alone is perfect peace,
  And rest from condemnation;
I’ve made exchange of masters now,
  The vows of glory bind me,
And once for all I’ve left the world,
  Yes, left the world behind me.
  Far, far behind me!
  Far, far behind me!
And once for all I’ve left the world,
    Yes, left the world behind me.

4
My choice is made forevermore,
  I want no other Savior;
I ask no purer happiness
  Than His sweet love and favor;
My heart is fixed on Jesus Christ,
  No more the world shall blind me;
I’ve crossed the Red Sea of His death,
  And left the world behind me.
  Far, far behind me!
  Far, far behind me!
I’ve crossed the Red Sea of His death,
  And left the world behind me.










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14#
发表于 2015-5-6 05:17 | 只看该作者
叶如钢 发表于 2015-5-6 02:05
谢谢必达。 The world can only see my back---可以这样翻译的。另外可以参考
下面这首圣歌:

班门弄斧,供大家批判。

A Psalm of life
蒲必达译

I do not consider whether I will succeed or not
Since I dream about a place far and beyond
I will travel with rain and wind, cold or hot

I do not ponder whether I can win your love or not
Since I have a passion for the rose
I will reveal without shame my sincere thought

I do not worry whether there is any hidden attack
Since my destiny is the horizon
What left can only be the shadow of my back

I do not care whether the future is gloomy or great
With a loving heart, I will
Be against all odds, and accept any fate
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15#
发表于 2015-5-6 07:54 | 只看该作者
本帖最后由 叶如钢 于 2015-5-6 07:55 编辑
蒲必达 发表于 2015-5-6 05:17
班门弄斧,供大家批判。

A Psalm of life


欣赏好译。 还押了韵, 锦上添花。

What left-----What is left
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16#
发表于 2015-5-6 10:03 | 只看该作者
本帖最后由 叶如钢 于 2015-5-6 11:41 编辑
蒲必达 发表于 2015-5-6 05:17
班门弄斧,供大家批判。

A Psalm of life


我不去想是否能够成功
既然选择了远方
便只顾风雨兼程
我不去想能否赢得爱情
既然钟情于玫瑰
就勇敢地吐露真诚
我不去想身后会不会袭来寒风冷雨
既然目标是地平线
留给世界的只能是背影
我不去想未来是平坦还是泥泞
只要热爱生命
一切,都在意料之中

   I love life

I do not care whether to succeed or fail
Now that I have chosen places far and away
I will go there through wind and rain
I do not ponder whether to be able to win my love
Now that I have fallen for the rose
I will bravely bare my heart
I do not worry whether chilly wind and cold rain will attack
Now that the horizon is my destiny
I will leave the world behind to look merely at my back
I do not consider whether the road to future is smooth or muddy
As long as we love life
All will come along as expected

--叶如钢译

注: consider, ponder, worry, care 从蒲必达译借用。
chilly wind and cold rain  从苏菲译借用。
特此致谢。
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17#
发表于 2015-5-6 10:18 | 只看该作者
本帖最后由 叶如钢 于 2015-5-7 02:39 编辑

"I love my life" 与该诗的涵义不符。可以用“I love life"  或者"We love life".
"Love my life" 没有主语。 标题不能这样写。
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18#
发表于 2015-5-9 07:31 | 只看该作者
本帖最后由 风也 于 2015-5-9 18:49 编辑

谢谢分享!
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19#
发表于 2015-5-9 13:06 | 只看该作者
风也 发表于 2015-5-9 07:31
谢谢分享!那这首诗翻译成英语,怎么翻译?

《异乡人》


《异乡人》

他没有回头
或者放缓离去的身影
记忆总是往一条河的方向
默默流淌

一些尘烟被风吹散
鸟停留在岸边的树上

一个人的远方
便是异乡
两个不同的村庄
夜晚,是否也有两轮不同的月亮


A Stranger

叶如钢译

He didn't look back
Neither did he slow down his pace of walking away
Memory always flows silently
in the direction of a river

Some dust is being scattered by wind
Birds are staying on the trees of the river bank

In the distance
there lie foreign lands
In two different villages,
does one see in the evening
two different moons?


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20#
发表于 2015-5-9 13:40 | 只看该作者
本帖最后由 风也 于 2015-5-9 13:42 编辑



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