一诗多译：诗歌取代了一座高山

李世纯

李世纯 发表于 2018-8-17 14:17
It reminded him how he had needed
A place to go to in his own direction,
您早该有自己的定位，自 ...

It reminded him how he had needed

It=您的诗歌已为业界不屑

李世纯

李世纯 发表于 2018-8-17 14:20
It reminded him how he had needed

It=您的诗歌已为业界不屑

How he had recomposed the pines,
Shifted the rocks and picked his way among clouds,

您早该调整重组以往惯用字词章节笔触笔调等诗写套路，重新思考自己的风格特色（ 注意：how he had 、、、、、多么需要有、、、虚拟语句）

李世纯

李世纯 发表于 2018-8-17 14:26
How he had recomposed the pines,
Shifted the rocks and picked his way among clouds,

For the outlook that would be right,
Where he would be complete in an unexplained completion:
以求一个适合自己，属于自己，理想地表现自己，美不胜收的美好前景

（ 注意： 时态，would、、、、、多么需要有、、、虚拟语句，语境主人公并未发生的动作）

李世纯

李世纯 发表于 2018-8-17 14:35
For the outlook that would be right,
Where he would be complete in an unexplained completion:
以 ...

For the outlook that would be right,
Where he would be complete in an unexplained completion:
以求一个适合自己，属于自己，理想地表现自己，美不胜收的美好前景（前途）

（ 注意： 时态，would、、、、、多么需要有、、、虚拟语句，语境主人公并未发生的动作）

李世纯

李世纯 发表于 2018-8-17 14:38
For the outlook that would be right,
Where he would be complete in an unexplained completion:
以 ...

For the outlook that would be right,
Where he would be complete in an unexplained completion:                       5）

The exact rock where his inexactnesses
Would discover, at last, the view toward which they had edged,                6）
一具（其诸多草率处经自身修整打磨后终于实际显现出匠心创意多彩景观的）精美石头（玉器）

（注意： they =  inexactnesses ，view = 创意，构思，构想；  edged, = 精心蜜意打磨，修整；The exact rock属 5节中 the outlook同位词，所以，6节不可按句子理解）

李世纯

李世纯 发表于 2018-8-17 15:06
For the outlook that would be right,
Where he would be complete in an unexplained completion:     ...

Where he could lie and, gazing down at the sea,                                        7）
Recognize his unique and solitary home.

节7应避免直译，转译为妥：我们理解：力争独占鳌头，出类拔萃翘楚华章

如按朋友翻译，与全文宗旨相左，试想诗人？谁人会鼓动他人，其自身亦未必向往与世隔绝，收缩幸福人生置于小屋子里

李世纯

李世纯 发表于 2018-8-17 15:17
Where he could lie and, gazing down at the sea,                                        7）
Reco ...

节7同节6，5节中 the outlook同位词，用于排比加重渲染力度，所以，7节不可按句子理解）

李世纯

李世纯 发表于 2018-8-17 15:22
节7同节6，5节中 the outlook同位词，用于排比加重渲染力度，所以，7节不可按句子理解）

如上分析希望朋友多多质疑

大河原

无从下手质疑啊，问好

李世纯

大河原 发表于 2018-8-17 21:56
无从下手质疑啊，问好

not supposed an unexplained completion after all, right ?